Ever wondered what its like to organise the Fling? Well now you can find out. Each month the mysterious Fling Insider will update their blog on life inside the Fling....
June 2010 - It was Big Andy what did it – with a little help from his friends. Well dear readers, it went like a train (the French TGV sort, not one of Branson’s Vermin jalopies): twelve months of planning, agonising and praying paid off and we got an unforgettable Fling. Olives and paella being munched on the Drying Green in the company of a spaceman, Sportacus and two dozen Liltin’ Lassies; a Latino bacchanal at the Vickie Hall (you never had so much fun with your clothes on); Doune Castle engulfed by a riot of treasure hunting music fans. All this plus the best jazz this side of New Orleans, ceilidhing to make the White Heather Club blush and traditional music sessions to die for (or to, depending on who was singing). Of course I always said this was a first rate Committee – sensitive, intelligent, far-sighted; who could have doubted their genius?* It was clear from the outset that this was a unique group of very special human beings led by an inspirational man (the eponymous Big Andy) – a true son of Wallace and the Bruce. He marched us into battle fearlessly smashing those old foes: bad weather and Saturday night telly. And you, the good burghers of Doune and Dunblane, came across as only you can. Individuals, community groups and traders, you gave it your all. So thanks: it is you who make the Fling what it is. With due deference to M&S (ta for the vino Sue) this isn’t just the Fling – it’s the Doune and Dunblane Fling. And now, dear readers, I must bid you adieu. I have done what I promised and given you an inside glimpse into staging Glyndebourne-by-the-Allan – warts and all. If I haven’t put you off, why not join us in helping organise next year’s event? We really need somebody to keep an eye on Big Andy. The Fling Insider *regular readers will note that a spell in the brig can do strange things to the mind May 2010 - Dunblane: The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Fling Committee: Its 17 yr mission to explore strange new festivals; to seek out exciting entertainers and world class stars; to boldly bring them to Doune and Dunblane. Captain’s Log Stardate 27-30-2010 The last weekend in May is approaching like a photon torpedo. I call down to the engine room for more speed: give it all you’ve got! Several Scotties point out we ain’t got much and all the warp factor has been used up in the Vice-chair’s jokes. Then the intercom crackles – its Starfleet Command (AKA Stirling Council) – demanding evidence of public liability insurance; inter-galactic regulation 423b subsection (ii) demands it. Back snaps my reply “we can manage the liability bit, and one out of three ain’t bad”. (It’s my scientific training; I’ve always got a ready retort.) But what’s this – a dozen dark smudges have appeared on the screen approaching from the galaxy Alpha Centauri. A question to the computer and my worst fears are confirmed – it is the forces of Indifferentz. These are a sinister race whose mission is to snuff out fun and quash enthusiasm wherever it appears: jazz from an old mucker of Louise Armstrong (“so what?), Sporticus and Mr Boom (“huh”), Doune Castle extravaganza (“boring”), Salsa Celtica (“but Strictly’s on, on Saturday night”), Jack Delaney (“can’t be bothered”). Yes the Indifferentz are a frightening menace. But I remain calm; we have a secret weapon: this is not any event, it is the Doune and Dunblane Fling – unique in the solar system. The forces of Indifferentz will never even find us - as Spock points out: “it’s a festival, Captain, but not as they know it”. PS The Fling Insider is in the brig. Previous columns are now the subject of legal action and can be viewed below. The Fling Insider
April 2010 - Positive Thinking (Perhaps)
Okay, I promise: less of the whingeing. Fling Insider has had a deluge of letters, well a few letters...to be honest someone in the Tappit Hen muttered something last night – about these dispatches being too negative. What is to complain about my critic complained? You’ve got Salsa Celtica booked and selling out fast, the Jack Delaney ceilidh band (“no photos – we sell by word of mooth”) signed up and every community group this side of Hadrian’s Wall beating a path to Fling by the River. Then there’s Lazytown, Amy-Zing & Fran-Tastic Singing Workshops and Mr Boom (hot-foot from the moon) for the kids, a continental market (ooh la la!), a smoothy bike and a bevy of beautiful songstresses. So, as the barman said to the horse, why the long face?
Well it’s alright for you, I said, you just have to turn up and enjoy yourself. I have to hold the committee. Those warmhearted souls who freely give of their time in selfless devotion to the good of the community. Aye right! Nine Committee members: ten opinions – ignorance no obstacle. The mood slithering unnervingly between facetious humour peppered with gratuitous one-liners, and moribund malevolence where every opportunity converts instantly into a toxic threat. (My particular favourite: the news that the Big Lottery has given us a generous grant greeted by a querulous “how on earth are we going to spend it?”) And then of course the stock response to any bright new idea: “we tried that before, and it didn’t work”.
But in cheery deference to my reader, I must confess that, despite all, it is kinda fun as the tension mounts, the tickets sell and we realise we are on a winner.
The Fling Insider
March 2010 - Things Get Scary
Hell’s teeth, they’ve done it now. A pure Tommy Cooper moment: the budget blown, “just like that!”…Salsa Celtica, one of the biggest and best on Scottish contemporary music scene are to be this year’s Fling band. Great this crew may be, but the cost is eye-watering. Add in publicity, PA, hall hire and the support act and we may not be in RBS territory - but divine intervention is looking like a good option. Can we persuade the heavenly hosts to shepherd Dunblanians down to the Viccy Hall at least for this one night (or maybe lob a thunderbolt or two at those who stay indoors)? Otherwise it’s panhandling on the Mill Row.
Still that’s voluntary committees for you. Careful consideration, intelligent debate, forthright discussion, insightful opinions – and then a sudden lurch into madness.
But stop! Enough of this lily-livered nonsense! This is what it’s all about: ambitious ideas and bold steps to create a buzz in the community. If Dunblane is going to be up there, we need vision and courage. The sunlit uplands beckon. Where the Blessed Andy can go, so can we.
Anyway, there are always grants to apply for and sponsors to tap. Tesco can be relied upon to provide its customary 50p’s worth for instance (a voucher of course, not cash – but think of the Clubcard points). And there are lots of grants around – you just need a PhD in form filling, a fortnight to spare and ready access to an alchemist’s stone.
But there I go again: so young but so jaundiced. I blame the pressures of staging Glastonbury on the Drying Green. It’s a roller coaster ride and I’m here to make sure you enjoy every queasy, gut-wrenching, white-knuckle, heart-stopping moment.
More anon
Fling Insider
February 2010 - A Fling Insider Bares All
‘Dougie’s no’ sung Caledonia– what are yous gonnae dae aboot it?’ I considered the question for a moment and asked myself how I came to be trying to explain to an angry punter the vagaries of Dougie McLean’s playlist. I also wondered whether my two taekwon-do lessons would enable me to deck him, but instead settled for a placatory ‘I’m sure he will in the second half’ and turned to the woman behind him who wanted to know if the red wine was a merlot or a shiraz. Stifling a ‘at £1 50 a glass you’re bloody lucky it’s wet’ I smiled sweetly, feigned deafness and again asked myself ‘why am I doing this?’
Indeed why have I been doing this for the last seventeen years? That’s more than you get for first degree murder. Well now, dear reader, I have decided to bare all. In the next four issues of the Wire – building up crescendo-like to the great event itself - I will reveal the secrets, the highs and the lows, of staging Dunblane’s answer to Woodstock.
Watch this space.
Fling Insider
